Today is the first day to work without my boss. Suddenly there are so much more I need to take care of. There is no one there to protect or look over for me anymore.

One major difference is the amount of meetings I have to go to. I had two meetings today, two more tomorrow and three more again the day after. I can’t even do work anymore, it’s just too overwhelming.

On one hand I’ve got a handful of meetings to attend, and they are w/ higher ups too. On the other, I have client emailing/calling me regarding website problems. On top of that, I have my big boss asking me to take care of the things my boss used to take care of. The list goes on and on…I am starting to admire my boss more and more becuz I have no idea how she handled all these and still be sane.

As a junior web designer, if I’m attending a meeting with someone more senior than me, namely my big boss, then logically it is her job to speak to the client and lead the meetings. Lucky me, this ain’t gonna happen in our team. Cuz big boss doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on w/ the websites. She even said so herself. So “naturally” the task of speaking to client falls upon my shoulder. This is the thing that worries me the most. I think through more practice I’ll get better, but the first time I had to lead a meeting is to face higher ups…I get very nervous thinking abt it already.

Sigh…I’ll see how everything goes tm…crossing my fingers.

On another note, yesterday before my boss left, my body started shaking. I was nervous like I’m going for an interview or something. I had no idea why I was so nervous all of a sudden, and then I figured it must be becuz my boss is leaving. I tried to control my body, but I was just cold and shaky. Hahahha…when my boss said goodbye to me, we gave each other a hug and I wished her all the best. Then I told her I’m very nervous abt her leaving.

First she started to calm me, tells me I can call/email her if I need anything, tells me I can take my time if they throw many things at me and that I should take things easy. As she was talking, her face started to turn red and she started crying. Seeing her cry made my tears came out also, and she looked back at me while walking towards the door. I think she couldn’t handle it and quickly said goodbye to everyone and left.

I had an urge to email her today and tell her what happened. But I stopped myself. I think it’s time for me to grow up (work responsibility wise) and be independent. My boss believed in me, and I should have more confidence in myself and believe I can do this. When I email my boss next time, I want to tell her that I can handle the new responsibilities and not just whine about how much work they gave me.

A picture on my new iMac!

Today I watched the music video of this song…suddenly…i fell in love w/ the song again…

驚了天也動了地
曾經深愛過的一個你
瞎了眼也瘋了心
曾想過從這裡跳下去

那裡來的一份勇氣
結果我還是存活下去
剪了髮　搬了家
鏡子裡還是我嗎

忘了你的眉毛　忘了你的味道
忘了一個人的舞蹈
忘了你有多高　再忘了你的好
直到我忘了我們是我們

忘了我就可以忘了你
就在這一天我試著去想起你
卻發現我眼中已經看不到你
掏空了心　也翻不出你

忘了我就可以忘了你
這世界上彷彿再沒有一個你
忽然有一滴眼淚　我吞了下去
站在這屋頂看下去
我總可以　忘了你是你　呼吸空氣

忘了你的眉毛　忘了你的味道
忘了你殺人的微笑
忘了你有多高　再忘了你的好
直到我忘了煎熬是煎熬

也許因為　忘了我是我　不再有我

I’m suppose to write this entry last tuesday, but I was too lazy but here I am now.

I remember when I first started working here, I get scared for the littlest thing. I used to finish work as fast as I can and then ask for more work to do. My boss was impressed by my speed and quality. Cuz usually when you do something fast, chances are you will make some mistakes. My job is based on creativity for the most part. So sometimes it’s not abt making mistakes, it’s abt having the design that everybody likes.

One thing that’s really important about this job is “compromise”. You know how some designers/artists that are so kin on having their original own design that they won’t listen to anybody and always think they are right? well that’s not gonna happen in this industry. It’s very depressing when you created something you believe is so perfect and pretty but your client just doesn’t agree w/ you. Usually when things are perfect in a picture, anything u alter would destroy the whole piece. That’s what I have to go thru every single time when I create a website.

My boss usually agrees w/ my design 99.9% of the time and everyone else in our team thinks it’s good. But once I showed it to the client, they would ask us to change this and that which in turns will actually make the interface looks uglier in our terms but prettier on theirs.

What does a junior web designer got to do in situations like these? Nothing other than follow instructions. No matter how much I disagree w/ the clients, I can’t express it and I will have to change my design into something I absolutely hate. So the process of creating the interface went from loving it to hating it and stop caring.

If one day, when I actually get some say